Ok.... so the first sip wasn't bad... Like a real sweet orange Hawaiian Punch... but have I told you how much I HATE Hawaiian Punch? Even when it's mixed with Everclear and fruit cocktail and served in a trashcan. That's what I tried to envision while gulping this down... half way through, I felt like Adam on Man VS. Food.... The drink was winning. My throat burned and I already felt like I was "jacked up on Mountain Dew!"... ugh. The last sip went down with a fight... "Momma! I don't want to drink it!!!!!" I successfully consumed it in the allotted time, met my friend the infamous "pot head looking phlebotomist" who sucked out 4 tubes of blood and kindly let me know "this is the last time we'll probably have to see each other if all goes well!" Who is he kidding?.... I am sure there is a dark secret that lurks in the files... they want to stick me every time I go! I did the ritual "collection of the party cup" in the bano and met up with Kelsey, the sweetest nurse ever, who checked my weight (only have gained 14 pounds in the last 28 1/2 weeks! WHOO!) and led me to a room where I saw this...
The syringe looked like something straight up off of a sci-fi flick where they do bad alien experiments.... then she told me to drop my pants and she was gonna stick my right butt cheek!!!! KELSEY! WHY!? I thought we were friends!!!! No one ever told me it was going to be a booty shot. BOOTY! IN. THE. BOOTY. Ok, here's the deal. I am afraid of needles... No, I am not kidding. SCARED. TO. DEATH. Especially when it's a booty shot. That is never good. Booty shots are for the real bad ones that are thick and meant for cattle. Yup.... it hurt. Good thing she took my blood pressure BEFORE I found out it was a booty shot. Last time I got one I was 19 and had an infected spider bite. It was one of those nasty antibiotic glue thick ones... I told the nurse I was going to kick her... I screamed... I bucked... They had another nurse come in to hold me down. Yup..... This time I acted more grown up about it, but I would be lying if I said I didn't scream OW! She said she was sorry....
yeah right. I didn't even get a sticker!
Did I mention the muse has come back to visit? Or maybe I just have rediscovered my l.o.v.e. for writing again. Whatever it is... I hope she doesn't peace out on vacay. Maybe I owe it to the Soup Lady... She always has such wonderful stories...
Oh. I went shopping... yeah, retail therapy always makes shots better.
