Momma Mythbusters

Yes, I am better than that red haired guy and the one with the creepy mustache on the Discovery channel... today is Mommy Mythbusters day in JFTB land. With a little over a week to go, it is time to start mythbusting some old wive's tales to induce labor.


NOTE *** If you are one of those naturalist people who believe I am going to damage my baby and go to hell for trying these things or wanting to him to come 10 days early, please call 1-800-suck-it, or see www.kissmyass.com.***


The Pineapple trick--


Apparently there is an enzyme in fresh pineapple called bromelain, that will ripen and soften the cervix. In order for it "to work" one must eat fresh pineapple, not canned or canned juice. There is something in the canning process that removes the enzyme. Not sure what the hype is to this, or if it works, but over the course of last weekend when eating a whole pineapple, I went from zero, nada, nothing happening in baby gate land on Thursday, to 1cm and 50 % 5 days later. Now-- this could be pure coincidence, or some truth. We are calling it plausible here in JFTB land, and you better believe we are snacking on some pineapple as you are reading this...


Walking-- 


Yesterday was a strategically planned library day. Yep. If you know my campus, you know that the library in relation to my classroom is on the other side of the world. I walked there over 6 times, to and fro-- and you bet I walked laps around the 25 minutes we were there, and looked at the Science Fair projects a million times. Result: Some pretty steady contractions which started around 8:30 in the morning-- that got me excited and then totally buzz killed when they stopped around 4:00.


 Today there has been a Wal-mart excursion (and I HATE.... I mean REALLY HATE WAL-MART), a sauntering trip through Staples (where I found a SUPER electric school pencil sharpener that was originally $50 HALF-OFF! That excitement alone may send me to the hospital...), a wholesome trip to the local Christian bookstore where I found a beginner's bible bedtime story collection-- totally precious, and can't wait to start reading it to him, a browse through Best Buy where I discovered they have gotten rid of nearly all the movies in the movie section! NAKED! What is going on-- is it the end of DVD's as we know it? Results are pending... after lunch there may be a lap around Lowe's and a hoe-down at Home Depot...  We'll see what happens...


Spicy Food--


There was a need to stop at Wendy's for a Spicy Chicken Sandwhich for lunch... now I know that isn't the same caliber of spicy as some Thai food-- but we have to find an intermediary... too much spice will cause me to have to take a Pepcid and call it a day. Results: well, I just ate it... so we'll have to report back later. Maybe there can be a trip to Madam Mam's in Austin for dinner tonight... there is some soup there that will strip paint off of a wall...


The "birthing" aka excercise ball- 


Midwives say sitting on one of these little gems has been known to open the pelvis and let the baby descend lower. While on the Wal-mart excursion, I bought a pretty pink one, and am currently using it as my method of sitting on my bum. Bouncing on it is reminiscent of a hippity hop-- a similar childlike toy with a horsey head with handles you can literally bounce on around the house. There will be no house bouncing on this thing-- but it does feel good to sit on and relieves some back tension. So while I can't report on the validity of this myth-- it sure is fun to sit on. 


Castor Oil--


Ew. Sick. Gross.... I have been an anal retentive (in all sense of the word) since birth, and pooping that much is not natural in my book. Maybe some dried apricots are in the future to try the "bowel stimulating" myth.... but anything that can cause that much pooping and/or barfing is not ok...


So the question is... will Baby Jax come soon? Like tonight? This weekend?.... Even if not, just some serious progress for Monday's appt. will suffice. Then maybe I can talk my brick wall of an OB to crumble just a little bit-- and induce me a day early. Yes, again-- for the anti-drug folks.... I get it, it is introducing fake hormones in my body and putting me at risk. So does drinking milk from the cafeteria at school and eating the fake meat at Taco Bell... but when you teach in a school district that screws you over on leave because you are introducing the next genius or NBA star into the world... you want time on your side. 


peace, love, breast pumps, oxytocin, contractions and water breakage... if we are lucky.