What a day...

First it was a fight with a bottle of orange death...

Ok.... so the first sip wasn't bad... Like a real sweet orange Hawaiian Punch... but have I told you how much I HATE Hawaiian Punch? Even when it's mixed with Everclear and fruit cocktail and served in a trashcan. That's what I tried to envision while gulping this down... half way through, I felt like Adam on Man VS. Food.... The drink was winning. My throat burned and I already felt like I was "jacked up on Mountain Dew!"... ugh. The last sip went down with a fight... "Momma! I don't want to drink it!!!!!" I successfully consumed it in the allotted time, met my friend the infamous "pot head looking phlebotomist" who sucked out 4 tubes of blood and kindly let me know "this is the last time we'll probably have to see each other if all goes well!" Who is he kidding?.... I am sure there is a dark secret that lurks in the files... they want to stick me every time I go! I did the ritual "collection of the party cup" in the bano and met up with Kelsey, the sweetest nurse ever, who checked my weight (only have gained 14 pounds in the last 28 1/2 weeks! WHOO!) and led me to a room where I saw this...

The syringe looked like something straight up off of a sci-fi flick where they do bad alien experiments.... then she told me to drop my pants and she was gonna stick my right butt cheek!!!! KELSEY! WHY!? I thought we were friends!!!! No one ever told me it was going to be a booty shot. BOOTY! IN. THE. BOOTY. Ok, here's the deal. I am afraid of needles... No, I am not kidding. SCARED. TO. DEATH. Especially when it's a booty shot. That is never good. Booty shots are for the real bad ones that are thick and meant for cattle. Yup.... it hurt. Good thing she took my blood pressure BEFORE I found out it was a booty shot. Last time I got one I was 19 and had an infected spider bite. It was one of those nasty antibiotic glue thick ones... I told the nurse I was going to kick her... I screamed... I bucked... They had another nurse come in to hold me down. Yup..... This time I acted more grown up about it, but I would be lying if I said I didn't scream OW! She said she was sorry....

yeah right. I didn't even get a sticker!

Did I mention the muse has come back to visit? Or maybe I just have rediscovered my l.o.v.e. for writing again. Whatever it is... I hope she doesn't peace out on vacay. Maybe I owe it to the Soup Lady... She always has such wonderful stories... 

Oh. I went shopping... yeah, retail therapy always makes shots better.

Arch-nemesis...

BEHOLD!!!!! I give you my arch-nemesis... T minus 1 minute until chug time... I am scared to death I am gonna hurl. Then I get to drive 45 minutes to the Dr. Get blood shanked from my arm, get a shot, pee in a cup... the opportunities for what else in store is endless... UGH. I am taking myself shopping. Details on the survival mission to come...

LET'S GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD!!!

I close my eyes and I see this room...

But when I open them... I see this room...

Does someone have a magic wand they can loan me? Does Hermoine Granger have a spell to put together my nursery? I have awesome painted walls, the name is secured in it's spot... a crib ready to be assembled and lavished with cute monkey bedding. There's also clothes and various toys spread as far as the eye can see, along with a catch all magnet that seems to be collecting non-baby things. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? 11 weeks to go... Will baby Jaxon's room get finished in time? I sure hope so!

Let's try this writing thing...

So it's been a while... ok, a really long while. They say when you are preggo that your mind wanders endlessly, and you lose it. Literally, you lose your mind and your thoughts. I think i've lost my muse. She is missing! Perhaps I should take out a want ad?

Today was baby dedication day for my precious Frog Man, Andrew, the precious little nephew that has given me a lot of clarity on being a mommy... well maybe. He has definitely gotten me real excited to hold my own Baby Jaxon when February gets here. The priceless photo of the day:

Yep..... That's right folks! Jason Woodall actually held a baby today. A real live baby. You see, it always boggles my mind why guys just don't want to hold babies. How could you not??!?!? I would think he would want all the practice he could get to prep for the real game. Today while we were having the luncheon for Andrew's baby dedication at his church, Jason looked at me and said, "I wanna hold him." Como what? Of course I jumped at the thought! He, of course, like a new Dad, wanted to make sure he was doing it right. "All you do, is hold him just like a football!", I kept telling him. "Yeah," he mumbled, "but you can't hurt a football." I think he looks just great. He's ready Coach! put in Daddy Woodall to the play. He's so got this. On a side note, I wrangled my sister to take a real preggo pic of me for the world to see. I was tired of the frumpy photo booth ones I had to take myself.... not too bad if you ask me. I think I could get used to this mommy thing... real quick.

I mean.... we look like we could be parents? Don't we?

Toasting you with my non-alcoholic bev of choice... oh how I miss wine. Have one for me won't you? 

For a moment like this...

It's in the evening, it's pouring down rain, and cheerleaders are huddled amidst the sprinkles waiting for parents to arrive. I see him coming towards me, with that same big smile I remember him having when he was only 12 and a scared 7th grader walking in and out of my door every day. He approaches me, arms open wide and gives me a big hug. "You remember me don't you?" He asks. "Remember you!?" I say with a laugh, "How could I NOT? I remember every single one of my babies!" "Well...", he says, "I didn't know if you would remember me or not, since I am in high school now, some teachers do that. They forget who you are, and when you see them in public or at the store or something they act like they have no idea who you are. I was scared you wouldn't remember me, and if that happened, I would be real sad. You were my favorite teacher here, and we were real tight. You were always there for me not just for help when I didn't understand things, but you cared for me too as a person... I never got the chance to thank you for that." (Can you already see the tears? YES!) I. was. speechless. This is why I do what I do folks. For moments like this. Glimmers of time when I see students have successes in their futures. For them to come back, and remember what I taught them... to let me know that I really did make a difference in their lives... and they say teachers don't make a lot. Really? Is your job as rewarding as mine? I bet it isn't. I make kiddos believe in themselves for the first time, when people (maybe even their OWN parents) tell them they are worthless... I capture a child's heart and mind and help them discover just how smart they really are. I give them the tools to be successful, productive people in society. I help them to understand the value of hard work. What do you do? Work behind a desk, chomping numbers while drinking your Starbucks making 6 figures a year? That's great and all... But in the end, I am the richer person.

Loving life, loving my job.

Thank you God for calling me to be a teacher. Continue to work through me to bless the lives of all the babies I touch each day. Help me to help them realize the value they truly have here on Earth. Keep it comin'... I am truly blessed!

Bring on Tuesday folks! I'm ready!

Little Miss Muffet...

Little Miss Muffet
Laid on her Tuffet
Sleeping the morn away...

Along came a text
From Mr. Muffet ... About the Spider that lived in the wreath on the porch...

Her web had been growing for weeks and weeks, yet she never showed her face...

We found the remnants of her carnage... ensuing an irreversible sleep to those crossing her path...

 poor Cicada...

In the end she lost, we sprayed her with some bug sauce... and now SHE is the one sleeping on the porch.

 (EEEK! This is post carnage after a liberal spray with bug spray... This is ALL body... the tennis ball gives you a little perspective on the size.)

 

Yep... Tell-tale red hour glass on the tummy... this is one mean biatch. Scary thing is, There is no telling how long it was living on my porch, with many nights entering with the porch light off... *shivers* GROW-DEE.... Yet, how cool is that?

Random thoughts... and such

1. Why is it that sheep don't shrink when it rains on a hot day, but if my sweater is wet and gets a little warm, I can't wear it anymore?

2. Why is it that strange little children come up to me in public and ask me questions? Does something magical happen when you become a teacher? Do you gain a certain "school smell" that attracts strange kids?

3. Why don't people accept good advice from someone experienced?

4. Why is humor and sarcasm such a big deal to some people? Are there just people in this world that "don't get it?" Will they ever "get it?" and if they don't... can I send them to live on their own island?

5. Is it acceptable to punch random annoying people in the face? Or is a stink eye perfectly acceptable? What if they don't get the stink eye... See #4. I am sure they are the same type of people.

6. There some people that should not even think about reproducing... I think all the condoms the government wants to dish out to Kindergartners and school children should be sent UPS express to these individuals. With a color fold out of instructions, and why they are doing society a favor. (Yes.... you may be offended by this one. But you KNOW there is someone you have seen/know/are related to that falls in this category...)

7. There are some people in this world that need to realize that grammar and correct speech save lives... especially in my presence. 

8. It feels good to be on my soap box sometimes.. I should do it more often. At the moment, my darling baby thinks it's a good idea to have an ice cream cone. While in the future, I am sure I will say no, because it will ruin her dinner... but seeing as how I could devour a whole Brontosaurs solo at the moment.... I think she has a great idea.

peace, love, ice cream and pickles...

hormonal pregnant rants are awesome.