Meet my Jaxarooney. He's all that and a bag of chips... The time I have dreaded has come. I have 5 days left as a stay at home Momma. I have tried and tried not to think about it, but ever since Sunday, I find myself pausing at taking in all of the little things... when I soak it all in and appreciate it, it always comes with the shedding of several tears. Life just isn't fair. Isn't fair.... I know this is a phrase that will surely come to haunt me over the next 18 years. Yes, Jaxon... life isn't fair baby boy. Why does Momma have to have a job outside of the home just so we can make ends meet? Why do we not live in a time where I can stay with you all the time anymore? Why do I have to pay someone, a stranger, to raise you for me all day... just to spend a few hours with you to do it all over again? It isn't fair alright... and I don't like it at all... Let me share with you a few of things I'll miss the most...
He discovered them today. Yep... something so simple as that. There he was, just staring at his little hands, wondering where they came from, what they are? I wonder the same thing... what will they do when you grow up? Will you remember me holding them? Will you remember grasping my finger and holding so tight, never letting go? Will they sign a peace declaration one day? Perform life saving surgery? Conduct an orchestra? Dribble a basketball, scoring the winning shot in an NBA game? Who knows.... but I will miss them so much.
That sleeping angel...
Right after he's nursed himself into a milk drunken stupor, and still laying there, all cuddled up against me. He sleeps and sleeps and sleeps... sometimes he gets put in his crib, his pack and play... but at lot of times, I just like to leave him there and look at him.
Speaking of Milk drunken stupors...
This was from the first couple of days after he was born... DAYS! Now it's almost been 2 months... MONTHS! he's peaceful like me in a tryptophan induced happiness after Thanksgiving...
Like when you pray he'll stay asleep, even though he flopped on his back, which he hates... Keeping the binky in so he won't wake up, by having his monkey hold it.... all new Momma things to learn, and figure out...
Cousin visits...
I miss my sisters a lot. It is amazing when I see my little nephew how much he has grown in such a short time... I helped my sister move into her first home of her own... It was so hot that day as we were finished packing that the boys went "redneck" and paraded in their diapers... It made us laugh. They both passed out in their car seats. It makes me wonder what is in store with the two of them...
Something... something I'm gonna miss. Get ready my friends... there isn't a stock of Kleenex big enough to hold back the flood that's coming. Love him... so much it hurts.
So this is what they were talking about... you know? That thing where they say you will die or do anything for your kids?
It makes too much sense to me.
