Cue the awkward turtle swimming by...

It's 8:15, do you know where your husband is? Yep. Mine is assisting coaching a basketball game, and I am not there. ASSISTING. It's weird to think of him as just an assistant coach, when our whole married existence he has been a head coach of his own basketball program. I also feel lost because I am not assuming my position behind the bench smiling as he looks back at me with his eyes saying, "What the F was that?!? Did you see that call? I am about 2.5 from throwing this clipboard at a ref..." I am not sure how I feel about the oh so many changes swirling about. I love our son with all my being, and being home with him right now is the absolute right thing in the world... but I can't help but miss the feeling of hardwood on my butt from sitting in the bleachers of a basketball gym. We'll get our shot here in a few weeks when a home game comes around. I will be excited to get to show Jax the ropes of basketball game watching. Maybe i'll teach him a few cheers along the way.... I used to be a cheer coach in my past life too. Did you know that?

By the way.... did you notice I am writing? I need to get in the habit of doing it more often. 9 months of Jaxon's life has gone by, and I have done a horrid job of cataloging it. Just awful. I bought the coolest baby book I could find, with all kinds of places to write things down. Guess when the last time I wrote in it was?..... yep. His 2 week check up. IN FEBRUARY. I get a little P-O'd when people tell me "Girl! You have a baby, it's all good! Things like that happen..." Yeah. They do... but too many things are 'happening' and I am not sure how I feel about being ok with my life just crumbling out from under me! Try these on for size:

1. My house MOST of the time looks like something straight up out of Hoarders. No lie. There have been dishes in my sink since Sunday night. THey are still there.... they may still be there tonight, because I am too tired to even think of fooling with them.

2. My bedroom has gone from Sanctuary to insane asylum. It is floor to ceiling of crap. Mostly laundry in different phases of life.... dirty, clean, and questionable.

3. I can't remember the last time I wore make up.

4. I can't remember the last time I cooked a meal for my husband that didn't involve a microwave or something pre packaged.

5. I've used a good majority of my birthday money on Starbucks because I don't have time to eat breakfast and can't afford to stop there every morning otherwise... seeing my barista Deeanne (yes... we know each other) makes me smile. There's a new guy though in the mornings, and he gets on my nerves... and he doesn't know my name... AND he can't pronounce Caramel Brulee Latte. Or when I ask for a triple grande, he has to get clarification on what I mean.... and he doesn't understand that a Venti Ice water means the big cup... not the little cup.

6. I don't know what it means to exercise unless I pick up my child.

7. I eat bad food, because it makes me happy, and because I am busy.

8. I cry inside every time I have to go to school because I drive an hour to there and an hour home and I miss out on time with my son.

9. I cry again because my students are horrid and I can't afford to be a stay at home mom with a little boy I really want to see... because I see him less hours a week than the "other" kids...

10. I am sucking real bad at the little things that mean a lot (ahem... lesson plans) at work. I never used to be late in turning in lesson plans, or showing up for or remembering duty. It doesn't matter what time I leave my house... and I usually leave around 6:30 in the morning... I still don't get to school until about 8.

11. I can't manage to get ahead in any aspect of life.

Is this normal? I am sure it is... and I know someone is going to tell me it gets better... but when? I'd like the pipe dream i'm chasing to come true. Maybe I should just take that money going to coffee and start buying scratch offs.

Did I mention I am writing again? It's kind of a big deal... I like it a lot. a real whole lot....

It's also my BFFs birthday this week. I probably won't get to see her. That's another story. I miss her like crazy. I have realized lately just how lost I really am without her guiding me along. Maybe that's why I suck so bad this year as a teacher? I've had to completely go solo without my safety net.

So the random blabbing this is turning into is my cue to push publish and call it a night. Hopefully my darling son will sleep in his crib the whole night... as much as I LOVE him snuggling in between me and daddy at night, I would like some normalcy back. Just a little. Do I sound like a whiney grump yet? Maybe I need some wine to stop whining. Ugh.... Thanksgiving break, are you here yet?

30 days of Thankfulness

My darling friend started this 30 day thankfulness thing on Facebook. I think it is an awesome idea. Why just focus on things you are thankful for on just Thanksgiving?

I can think of a few off hand that will sure make the list...

1. Bacon
2. Bacon flavored things
3. Any food containing bacon

Ok... in all seriousness, bacon makes the world a better place. I am thankful for pigs and their sacrifice for the advancement of bacony goodness on this Earth. I thankful for other things too...

1. My parents. They celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary yesterday. I hope to accomplish that and many more. Marriage is hard. Real hard.... It is even harder when you throw a baby in the mix. I am finding this out all the time. They have not only survived each other, but raising 3 VERY DIFFERENT hormone charged daughters. That is really saying something.

2. My husband. We may not always get along, agree, say the nicest things, help each other out the way we need to... but he is a great dad to our son, and after 13 years, still is my bff.

3. My son. That little boy is the reason I wake up every morning, literally and figuratively speaking.... You would think so too hearing his laugh...

4. Coffee. Without it, I would have died in several wrecks on the way to work. It keeps me going...

Realizing It's too late for coffee... A buzz kill is about to take place. 

This Momma is mucho tired, and although I started out strong.... This heifer's had it.

Good night, sleep tight... think of bacon and all is alright.

80's hair FTW!

Yep... I just spent 30 minutes crimping my hair and cutting (YES CUT-TING) bangs and curling them second grade school pic style.... you don't get to see the results until tomorrow... We are part-aying it up straight out of 1982 tomorrow... It was a good year. For hair, and babies born at 5:17 pm. Happy Birthday Eve to me!

ramblings of happiness...

#1. This website.... http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling

Holy Cannoli. Hys-ter-i-cal. When you call the extra O in loose a "hemorrhoid O", you've got my vote as an epic grammar lesson. Too bad 99% of it is too inappropriate for school.

#2. Birthday week. Yes, it is my birthday WEEK. It has fallen on Red Ribbon Week as long as I can remember, which since the beginning of my school times (minus college of course...) It has been a celebration week of fun, awesome dress up days.

#3. Sweet students like this....

I have a group of boys in Pre-AP that are creating reader's theatre scripts about the origin of babies. They believe babies came from dust bunnies causing women to eat way too much and thus getting a tummy, the babies then shoot out the woman's belly button or crawl out their nose... I can't remember which because a precious student I have in that group and I had our own side convo. I asked a dangerous question.... "How are you going to explain the alien in the tummy feeling and being able to physically see the baby moving on the outside."pause.... wait for the weird comment.... AND... there is none. He says to me, "Well that is interesting, because you know biologically it is weird, but honestly I find the whole idea of pregnancy a very beautiful thing." Say what? This precious boy is going to make one kick ass husband and father some day. What 13 year old boy says things like this?

#4. It's fall/Christmas picture day at daycare on Friday, and I can't wait to see the pictures!!!

#5, I was Hermoine today.... and it was awesome.

I even played Harry Potter soundtrack while the kids worked today... it was epic.

Most of all... I am writing again. I feel snuggly back in my writer skin. Welcome back!

It's a come back... take 2.

Alright, come back take 2. After reading it, I can't quite come back writing some garbage like that... I am better than that. It seems like writing or doing anything these days besides sleeping the little I get to, and taking care of my darling son is forced. I used to love writing whole heartedly. Now it seems like I have to pull teeth to do it. I guess i'll just start with one thing that makes me real happy.... it's called: "Veggie Tales Fridays"

Veggie Tales Fridays (or any other day I get to pick Jaxon up at 4:15 because I have raced like hell out of school 30 seconds after the bell), are a treasure. I scoop up Jaxon from church and when we come home, we have a snack (puffs or cookies for him, whatever Momma can find for herself goes for me...), log on to Netflix, either by laptop or on the Wii... and choose an episode of Veggie Tales. Here is a glimpse of what happens when the theme song starts chiming...

He LOVES Veggie Tales.... a lot. He just smiles and dances the second Larry and Bob enter the scene. I can replay the magic anytime I want to by smiling big and belting out a.... "If. You. Like. To. Talk. To..... tomatoes! If a squash can make you smile... if you like to waltz with potatoes... up and down the produce aisle...... Have WE gotta show for you!" and he laughs... Veggie Tales not only make my baby boy smile, but it teaches great things and is a christ centered show. Not something you find everyday. The best part is... it ends by saying, God made you special, and he loves you very much! There are some days I need that more than others. It's a little reminder. Here is one of our favorite songs from: "Rack, Shack, and Benny"

It's made a lot of things make sense lately. 

So until the writing bug bites again... remember! God made YOU special, and he loves you very much!

It's about time for a comeback...

I am not exactly sure what to say. I've been feeling a little lost as to where to head and what guts I should just spill on the soap box. One thing is for sure.... i'm tired. REAL tired.

I have a Jax-o-lantern.... he's been sick since the fire. It's been way before since the fire since i've written. Sad, because there is so much I could have cataloged that week. It was a nightmare...

The exit to my house...

behind my house...

in the HEB parking lot...

The fire as shown on a map in the shelters... the + signs are total loss, the hash marks were the fire lines... I was safely tucked in the "backwards C" of the river in the yellow section on the left... BLESSED!

ariel view of the fire...

Where are all the pine trees?


There's a lot of things that just don't make sense to me at the moment; however, one thing is for certain...

This little pumpkin brightens up my day no matter what the drama...

abc....

Anxious to start back to school
But I don't want to leave all the Mommy/Jax time I've had this summer
Can't I stay home?
Darn it.... I am not a millionaire
Even if I won the lotto, I think eventually I would get bored.
Fortunately, he has a fab daycare. I am in love with those ladies.
God is good. All the time.
Happy to see some friends tomorrow. It's been awhile.
I am even bringing the J man!
Jaxon will be 6 months tomorrow... My how does time fly.
Kicking some serious cleaning butt while he is at school these days.
Loving every moment with him.
Missing sleep... a lot.
Naps will be the hardest thing to go without when school starts again.
Oh, Starbucks... you rescue me.
Perhaps I should invest in a coffee plant?
Quandary... do they grow in Texas?
Rain. ha... we need rain. I am sure the coffee plants need rain too.
So tired... but can't sleep.
Typing randomness....
Under a sea of comfy covers I need to be.... too bad Jax rolls and crawls. I wish he could snuggle with me tonight. It freaks me out though that he could crash on the floor.
Vino. I need some.
W. The W. Welcome.
Xactly. X is a lonely letter....
You know it is... how many people do you know with an X in their name?.... I do.
Zzzzzzzzz...... night night.