Today is O dot M dot G day.

"The Snake Charmer" by Henri Rousseau

"I'm naked and snakes are everywhere! I knew I shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms back there!"

Gardening with Ouiser Boudreaux (based off of Billy Collins' poem "Shoveling Snow With Buddha")

I pull into the driveway from a long excursion at Lowes, and with my husband's help we cart in 40 bags of top soil, organic matter, landscaping timbers and such. Jason assembles the timbers into a box-like shape to hold the dirt for my raised garden. I wait inside in the a/c for my friend Ouiser Boudreaux to show up. I am glad she is coming to help because I am NO green thumb, and Jason doesn't do plants. It isn't 5 minutes later and Ouiser just comes waltzing into my living room, slamming the front door shut like she owns the place. "In case your wondering," she snickers, "I didn't see the point of knocking because you know I am here! You can't help but know when the neighbor 6 doors down is home because of your dog's insane bass bark." I smile and pat Duke on the head. "You are momma's baby boy!" I coo at him and scratch his chin. He grunts just like he did when he was a puppy. Ouiser can do nothing but stick her tongue out at me. 

We head to the backyard and I don't even make it to the back door when she starts in on me. "For Christ's sake! You can't go out in that crap!" she snaps. "What ever are you talking about? Athletic shorts, a tee shirt and this baseball cap are perfectly appropriate for this mission, love." I can't take it when she thinks she knows everything. "Well what am I supposed to wear? I am gardening for crying out loud!" I scream at her, because talking nice never gets me anywhere. "You have to wear overalls, a ratty white tee," she tosses me a straw hat, "and this ugly ass hat." We get outside and work the earth, and magic starts to happen in her hands. We talk about life, our families and she taught me some valuable lessons....

1. Southern women are destined to grow old, wear ugly clothes and grow vegetables in the dirt. 

2. Tell it like it is... always.

3. Fake people can kiss your ass.

4. Ugly overalls make tomatoes grow faster.

Today, I get to watch childhood favorite TV shows (Hey Dude and Salute Your Shorts) I found on Itunes!

~Twanda, out.